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June 12 Alasdair's gift to Microsoft PART TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I took Hercules to ECU the other day (you know, to kill the snakes? exactly) anyway Long story short, i am now the proud owner of the dancers' corridor, 64.7% of Sweden, and the heart of a small boy, with the tiniest hands you ever saw. There was much jiving, by all involved, especially Hercules.
I sure can't wait til PART THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why, I'd do just about anything for part three, I sure hope no one threatens to take over the world using release of part three as leverage, because I for one would surely cave. OH HOW I WOULD CAVE.
PSSSSSST ITS ALL PART OF THEIR MASTER PLAN, I'M JUST A PAWN! SUCH A PAWN!!! June 06 06/06/06 - End of days?No.
Its not.
Fucking morons.
I'm sick of hearing about people whinging about today being "THE END OF DAYS" and the day that the anti-Christ will be revealed and start kicking ass on Earth.
"Oh my god! Today's date is kinda almost nearly similar to the Number of the Beast, which is six-hundred-and-sixty-six! Lets panic! Say a prayer or something, we could be going to hell!"
Goddamnit people annoy me.
Read up, see how i said the Number of the Beast is six hundred and sixty six? That does not mean 6-6-6. It means 666. Its a fucking number, and it has to be taken as a whole. So for the stupid, that means 06/06/2006 is JUST ANOTHER GODDAMNED DAY! The only thing different about it (apart from its numerics - every day/date is different in that sense) is that 'The Omen' will be re-released today, a Tuesday, instead of the usual Thursday. QUICK LETS ALL FUCKING PANIC!
People who think this day is anything special just because the date has three sixes in it are idiots. They rank right up there with the people who believe George W. Bush is the anti-Christ because if you put his name through the code (note: this is one SUGGESTED form of identifying the anti-christ, but has so far failed as many people have the so called number of the beast present in their name) it comes out with 666. Fair enough, that could cause some eyebrows to be raised, but these geniuses put "George W Bush" through the system. Since when was "W" a name? What does that "W" even stand for?
Anyway, the point is, people are morons. The number of the beast is meant to identify the anti-Christ, not reveal the date that he comes to Earth/gets his powers/eats coco-pops for breakfast.
I hate you all. Especially you. April 27 Does Free Will Exist?This is my philosophy essay on free will, it is here mainly because my uni server is shit and I can't find my flash drive, so if I need to print it off tomorrow, I can. Feel free to comment though.
It has long been stipulated, mainly through religious texts such as The Bible, that human beings possess free will, being born with the ability to choose their actions and consequences as they see fit. However, being able to make a choice does not necessarily denounce free will, as the environment the individual is in will always influence the decision, which presents a case for determinism. Similarly an individual’s cultural upbringing will also determine their choices. As such, while humans are free to make choices in their lives, they do not possess true free will as each choice is merely a product of the individual’s upbringing.
To accept that an individual has no choice in a matter, and that his actions can be predicted from the environment around him, is to believe in hard determinism and to exclude any possibility of having free will. This line of thought however poses a problem as it would mean that every ethical theory would become null and void and that our emotions are just creations born out of our own ignorance and it doesn’t really matter how we react to any situation as the way in which we react has already been predetermined. When looking at nature, it is not hard to believe that determinism is present, as science has shown that most of the physical world obeys completely deterministic laws, and as such it is not unfeasible to believe that human beings are not in possession of free will. Just as every action has a reaction in physics, every action within an individual’s environment will influence him.
In the Middle East men are given as much ‘free will’ as they like, however the women receive substantially less privileges. From a Western viewpoint, the women are severely marginalised, and their free will is compromised by the patriarchy. However, within the Middle Eastern society, it is the cultural norm for women to be treated differently, and in some cases, the law. As women are raised to accept how they are treated, they do not recognise that it is wrong; instead they see it as being completely normal. Similarly, the men in these environments do not see their actions as being wrong, rather that if they were to not act, they would be doing wrong. With recent Western involvement in the Middle East, Western people are informing the Middle Eastern people that their treatment of women is wrong and that they should not do it. Upon hearing this, Middle Eastern people are able to decide whether they want to continue marginalising women, as they now have heard both sides of the story. Most however, will reject this change, as it is part of their culture to treat women the way they do, and in their minds, just because someone says it is wrong, does not make it wrong. They will believe their cultural methods of dealing with women are correct or morally justified, as this is how they have been raised, just as Westerners (in modern times) have been raised to treat women as equals and with respect. With this in mind, it is unreasonable to say it is the Middle Eastern man’s fault for the way he treats women, as when making his choices, his judgement has been formed through his culture and the environment in which he lives and he will subconsciously be biased to believe in what his culture sees as being correct. The Middle Eastern man’s conscience has been formed through his culture just as Westerners form their children’s conscience by teaching them right and wrong and letting them learn what is good and bad, and as a result when the time comes for the Middle Eastern man to use his “free” will, he will typically opt against the Western ideals because that is how he has been raised and he really has no choice in the matter.
In opposition to the belief that ones actions are determined by their environment, I would draw attention to Phineas Gage – a railway worker who suffered massive head trauma when a 3 foot metal rod pierced his cheek and exited his skull, resulting in severe left prefrontal cortex damage. This example is relevant as it was noticed that after the accident, Gage’s personality had radically changed, and whereas before he was regarded as the best foreman employed by his contractors, after the accident he became profane, fitful and impatient of any advice which conflicted with his own desires. His mind had been so radically changed that friends claimed that he was “no longer Gage”. Any action taken by Gage after the accident would therefore not be a result of his upbringing, as he began to act in the exact opposite way that he did before the accident and therefore his actions could not be attributed to his past experiences.
The case of Phineas Gage is an anomaly, as there was direct interference with his brain which changed his personality, however his memory was left in tact. In a similar way to which mind altering drugs change one’s perception of the world, the steel rod changed Gage’s perceptions which thus caused him to act in a contradictory manner to which he did before his accident. As such, while his history remained the same, his perception of his history changed which caused a change in his actions, thus it can be shown that people can create a metaphorical fork in the road of their predetermined life by altering their perceptions, but their actions will still be determined by their environment.
The concept of free will is flawed, as while we are able to make decisions in life they are intrinsically shaped by our experiences and knowledge of the world, and as a result, our choices are already made. An individual will act in accordance to the way in which he was raised, just as a beaten dog will become vicious, and water will flow down hill. March 21 Emo Poetry Appreciation For Alasdair, Starring Alasdair. Also, Why Feminists Suck Balls. Man Balls to be Precise.Following is an untitled work written by Alasdair. At his request, I have featured it in a blog.
There's never any parking at ECU.
You have to get there before the sun rises, and beat of the hordes of snakes that the university administrators have deemed necessary to keep as guards for the various parking lots. It helps if you bring Hercules. As for Jenii's question regarding my extreme distaste for feminists, I despise them for a number of reasons. Don't get me wrong though, I am very much for equality of the sexes, and sexual preferences, blah blah blah whatever. Insert a large disclaimer here. However, I hate the pissants that take it too far. They go beyond equality and end up tipping the scales in their favour. This doesn't just go for feminists however, it also goes with several other things, such as racism.
I have nothing against Aboriginals (unless they're the fuckers that sit around in the city getting drunk/high all day and pester me for money - they can go get AIDS for all I care) but they want racial equality, right? Why the fuck do they want welfare cheques then? I have to WORK for my money, why the fuck shouldn't they?
Anyhow, back to feminists.
Feminists need to get the fuck over themselves and realise that men and women are different. You can ask to be treated equally all you like, but sometimes it just doesn't work. Whether you like it or not, on average, men are stronger than women. Its in their physiology. Men have naturally more developed upper body muscles, women have naturally more developed leg muscles. I'm not entirely sure, but this is probably due to the roles that nature gave them - men hunt/fight, women give birth and run away from danger with the kids. Now most people would say "yeah, so what? What does that have to do with feminism?" To which I would reply, feminists all preach equality, yet how many women do you see begging to be labourers? Not many. Why? Because its hard. Let the men do it. Yet women will work their asses off to climb through the ranks in the business world and put in heaps of effort to do it. How come no one wants to put in the same effort to be a good labourer?
This regards the more radical feminists, but what the fuck is with the women who burn their bras and see the bra as a symbol of the domination of men? Any girl that reads this will know, as I have been told by many girls on numerous different occasions, that not wearing a bra is painful. Please tell me why you would want to put yourself through pain? If you don't wear a bra men aren't that likely to care. If anything it will save them time when they rape you, as "all men are rapists, and that is all they are" according to Marilyn French, who is a famous radical feminist, aka moron. Despite this, 30% of reported domestic violence cases in the US (I couldn't be bothered finding it for Australia, US is more readily available) are reported where the MALE is the victim. "So what?" You say. This wouldn't really matter in an argument against feminism, as it means that 70% of cases feature men as the agressors, however in those 70% of cases women can find help at the drop of a hat through one of the many thousands of government funded institutions. When investigated however, only a handful of the thousands admitted men, who had been abused just the same as the women. I wish some feminists were around that could fix this up, make it more EQUAL.
Back to the work thing. Women want equality in the work place, which is all well and good, I totally support this, but be realistic. If you don't have our babies who the fuck will? I'm sure there are some men out there who would take the pregnancy burden in place of women if they could, if not for views of equality, for the maternity leave they would get. Hell, its not like giving birth even has to be painful nowadays, you can just get a C section. Which is another thing that annoys me. Girls that bitch about pain and use the old childbirth excuse. So many times I've been in pain only to have some pissant bitch say "get over it, its nowhere near as bad as childbirth" or something to that effect. When you have given birth, then, please, by all means belittle me when I'm in pain. I know that childbirth is the most painful thing you can experience, short of pancreatic cancer, but until you spit out a baby (or 5 in the case of my mum, whos never bitched about it by the way...) shut the fuck up. You'll probably get a C section anyway, should you choose to have a baby with your partner. More on this below...
Even more stupid than the radical feminists are the dumb asses that had their hearts broken by men or were abused as kids, (whatever, I don't care what made them this way), the ones who genuinely believe they don't need men. Seriously, if you have this belief, you are a fucking moron. Get the hell away from my space. Lets take a look at simple homo sapien reproductive biology. To form a zygote (i.e the first cells of a baby) you need both a sperm and an egg. There is no way around this (except that funky new way of turning a normal body cell into a reproductive cell (egg/sperm) but that method hasn't been perfect or tested on humans yet, so fuck you, theres still no way around it). Unfortunately for the retarded feminists who don't need us men, we're the only ones that can produce sperm. So carry on not needing us, watch humanity die out.
In conclusion, feminists are idiots. If you are a feminist, chances are I will not like you, and further more, you are likely to die alone, except for your 37 cats. If you are feminist, or hold any feminist beliefs, rethink them. If they ACTUALLY involve equality, then good, I support you whole heartedly, but if they don't, just remember that somwhere out there is a jar of pickles that you will never be able to open, and as such, we will laugh at you.
Fact: I could have written this better, I might add to it later with some dot points of why feminists suck, but its currently 2:05am and I have uni in the morning, and I have to get an education so I can get a good job and earn some money to support my wife while she looks after our kids... I wonder if anyone will take offence to this last sentence... lets count. March 13 in true whoredom...In true ripping off Jazz fashion, I am ripping off Jazz.
TEN Random Things about me 2. I can whistle with my mouth open, it annoys the shit out of everyone. Everyone. 3. Both me and my brother were named to be leaders of men. Richard is teutonic for 'great leader' and my brothers middle name is Caesar. 4. I'm anti-drugs, but do them anyway. 5. I'm an hxk non-conformist... heh 6. I hate feminists/political correct people 7. My mum sentenced my dogs to death because she's a lazy bitch 8. I hate my mum. 9. I'm a fast runner 10. I'm really bored, but its this or maths. I choose this.
1. Think for yourself 2. Don't buy something just because its a trendy brand. 6. Don't be judgemental unless you have a good reason to be (i.e. if the person has done something bad to you). 8. Don't be stupid. Intellectually stupid that is, if you wanna do stupid stuff, whatever, it'll probably make me laugh, but I hate stupid people.
EIGHT things I want to do before I die: 1. Visit each continent
SEVEN ways to annoy me: 1. Listen to shitty music and have no appreciation for other music. 2. Be a giant pulsating hypocrite 7. Be less awesome than me. This is why just about everyone annoys me.
SIX things I really need to get:
THREE things I do everyday:
March 02 What the hell is on my desk?
Don't even get me started on whats on my floor... A Blog About Chard? What?I'm bored, and as such, am writing a blog. God knows theres no other use for blogs but to sate my desires to do something. Anyhow, the topic of this blog is THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME! It will most likely be like my 101, but this time I'm not counting...
Fact: I forgot that I'd done my 101 thing before this, and only realised it at the end. February 20 Why My Boss is a DoucheFor a long time, just about everyone that works at Dewsons Canning Bridge has regarded Joe, the nightfill manager, as a complete utter douche bag. Now I've bitched about him before in blogs but its always just been a simple "my boss sucks donkey wang" type thing. So today, because I am bored and Alicia isn't home yet to entertain me, he gets a whole blog entry to himself. So here are the reasons why my boss shits me:
February 14 Bad Emos. No. Bad, Bad Emos.You know that the world is fucked when being associated with emos makes you more popular.
Upon looking at the statistics thingy on my space, I've come to realise that the majority of hits I get come from people searching for emo related subjects, such as "hot+emo+boys" "emo+sex" "emos+rock".
Let me just say that I find this both disgusting and slightly arousing. But more so disgusting.
Seriously, what is with everyones fascination with emos? In an attempt to ascertain some understanding, I will now do a Pro/Con list. Realistically, I'm only doing this because I only got 3 hours sleep last night, and I've got nothing better to do and its too hot to sleep. Fuck you. Here's the list.
PROS (Don't expect anything lengthy here...)
CONS:
Ok, I can't be arsed anymore. Its too damn hot. If anyone wants to add their own pros or cons, please do so and i'll add to the list, even though I am heavily biased towards the cons...
UPDATE: Some sick bastard (probably my little brother...) searched for "Transexual" and got to my space. Seriously people, if you're one of the sick fucks trying to find this shit, KILL YOURSELF. Or atleast stay the fuck away from my space. Sick bastards... January 21 Australians are MoronsAs Australia day is coming up, I've been inspired to write a blog about how stupid Australians are.
Don't get me wrong though, I love my country and I'm a fierce patriot. I would gladly fight and die for my country, and am actually considering this... preferably not the dying, but you know what I mean. This isn't a stab at Australia, just a stab at the morons that make it a shit place.
Anyhow, Australian society is fucked. We're a nation that prides itself on being drunken yobos with no sense of class, dignity, or decorum to speak of, except ofcourse our sense of mateship, which means we must be drunk, violent morons and roam around in packs. This is all too evident at any major holiday type event, such as new years eve and Australia day. For the last few years, both days have been marked with obscene ammounts of violence.
Why?
What is it about our culture that means any celebration we have must be turned into a brawl? Are we incapable of enjoying ourselves unless someone gets beaten to a bloody pulp? With the recent racist riots over East, and our society being comprised largely of sheep, its almost certain that some idiot is going to get drunk and decide someone has less of a right to be here than he does, and then before we know it, we'll have a lovely little riot.
While you're celebrating Australia day this year, no doubt getting drunk and saluting the flag on a polluted shoreline, try to think about what being Australian really means, and follow these simple guidelines:
UPDATE:
Australia Day Numbers:
This was gonna be a really long entry, probably of better quality too, but i got bored after the first few sentences. January 19 Is this the end of our hero?It would appear that I have gotten bored of this thing called a blog.
To all my loyal minions/readers: har har. January 09 Richard's hilarious adventures of doomHere be the highlights from my recent trip to Eagle Bay:
Wake up and smell the angstAngst angst everywhere, i forget how the rest of the song goes, lets all take a drink.
What the hell was that? I don't even know anymore. Angsty teenagers annoy me so very much, its bad enough that they exist in the first place, yet they go and make everything so much worse by dressing goth/emo/punk/whatever. Don't get me wrong though, I have nothing against people expressing themselves through what they wear, its just when they do it to look x.x.H.A.R.D.x.K.O.R.E.x.x that it pisses me off. For example, at the "South Bound" music festival which I went to on the second of Janurary, my friends and I saw a wide range of fashion. This included "normal" people, i.e. shirt, shorts, sneakers, nothing special, "surfer bums" who wore board shorts, thongs, and no shirt, creepy old lady who decided to wear only a shirt and camouflage coloured underpants....(the horror...the horror...), "Dandy fans" who wore tight legged jeans and stripey tops, commonly confused with emos, but slightly less lame, and slightly more pretentious, and then (the focus of this blog) the "stupid goth retards who wear full length, all black clothes when its like 40 degrees celsius".
Fucking. Morons.
Seriously, none of us have the slightest clue as to what this crazy goth chick was doing. For those not familiar with the South Bound festival, it hosts relatively "nice" bands, such as Pete Murray, The Shins, The Panics, The Dandy Warhols, and a whole pile of small (but really good) Australian bands, such as The Vasco Era - seriously, check these guys out, they're cool. Anyhow, no goth bands! The closest thing to it would be "End Of Fashion", which is just lame. She did look ultra x.H.x.K.x though, especially when she was sweating so profusely that all her make up started running down her face. It was funny because she had already drawn in those black tear things with eye liner, and then they started running, it looked so lame and hilarious, kinda like a clown who had just been fired and then told that his entire family had just been molested and then devoured by a pit bull.
Moving on.
My brother - the scene-fag.
My little brother Vincent (15 years old), believes himself to be the most hard core metal-head in Perth, when in actual fact, he is just a lame ass poser. "Why?" You might ask. "Because less than a year ago, he was listening to Blink 182 and Green Day", I would reply. While walking along Central Park last week, I was met with streams of such intelligent abuse as "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!!" and "OH MY GOD YOU'RE WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES AS ME! POSER!" Never one to back down from publicly humilating moronic wankers, such as my brother, I went up to him and his posse of goth home-boys and girls and ripped into him a little. I started with his first comment of "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!!" by informing his lovely friends of his interests in transexual pornography (this isn't even a joke), and then of his charming taste in music, see above reference to green day and blink 182. Needless to say, his friends found this hilarious. Next on the agenda, was ME dressing like HIM. I was wearing urban camouflage cargo pants which I'd cut into shorts for summer (and coz of the giant hole burned into the leg from standing too close to a fire), my "count bodies like sheep" APC shirt, and my doc martens. He was wearing the same, only different band shirt.
Now this pissed me off for several reasons. For one, I was already kinda annoyed that like a month after I bought urban camouflage pants and cut them into shorts they became fashionable again and everyone started wearing them. I hate you Jay Jays. Secondly, as I pointed out to his goth harem, my clothes were well worn, the bottom of my shorts - frayed, clearly from having been worn. Alot. My Doc Martens - creased and scuffed, from constant wearing. His shorts - neatly cut, probably 2 days before hand. His Docs - brand new, uncreased, unscuffed.
Yet It was clearly I who copied him in his infinitely superior hardcoreness.
Man my brother is lame.
So... this blog hasn't really gone anywhere, its just been me bitching about stupid goths and my little brother. Oh well, you're the one that has to read it, not me. December 30 Richards update of nothingnessOk, I haven't done a blog in ages, so here is a shit one that everyone will go "hey, that was shit" at.
Whats been happenin recently in my life:
UPDATE: I forgot to put this thingy in... In my chistmas cracker/bon-bon/whatever the hell you wanna call it - the things that you pull, they go bang, you get a crown, a joke, and crappy lil plastic thing in - I got something which I found pretty ridiculous and un-christmasy. "What was it Richard, I'm on the edge of my seat" I hear you cry, "It was some weird assed yellow skull thing" I would reply. Seriously though, what the fuck is up with that? Here I am expecting some demented little plastic animal or something, and I get a skull. That is all. December 18 My 18th Good stuffOk, so this entry is a few days late, but I've been busy making good use of my new found 18-year-old-ness. Here are the highlights of my 18th.
How cute does D'Arc look? Pretty damn cute.
December 16 Just to be differentSo it was my birthday, I got a new car (subaru impreza 2.0i), had a massive party, like 80 of my friends came, rocked out to Nine Inch Nails with D'Arcy and Em, it was sweet.
However, then my family totally destroyed it. Like totally, utterly destroyed it.
To all my friends who saw this spectacle, I am incredibly sorry, I've never been more embarassed, ashamed, and hurt in my entire life. I'm so glad my family was able to put aside all their shit for just one fucking day.
Oh wait... Note the incredibly fucking huge ammount of sarcasm right there.
I fucking despise my family. December 15 Go Ricky, its yo' birfday, this time fo' real-real, not fo' play-playSo yeah, I turned 18 like 25 minutes ago, and you know what that means, right? It means you have less than 24 hours to deliver me a present before I disown your sorry ass.
Now that I'm 18 I can now legally do everything I've been doing anyway, like drinking, and buying porn, and selling midgets as sex slaves to Croatian refugees/crime lords.
However, it also means I can now be prosecuted as an adult. All you emos out there just got lucky...
Lame.
On the plus side however, me being the youngest now works to my advantage, as while my friends will whither with age and become haggard and wrinkly and gross, I shall remain youthful and vibrant and my skin will be elasticy and cool. Sucks to be you, oldies.
Seeing as I've got a big night of alcohol filled debauchery ahead of me, I'm going to go and get myself some sleep. These tired old bones need resting, doncha know?
But seriously people, you've got less than 23.5 hours. I'm not joking, I'll disown you faster than a father disowns his emo son. December 14 PRAISE THE LORD...BLESS THE AMMUNITION... GOD WANTS YOU TO GO TO WAR!
But seriously folks, tonight I had a near death experience, I'm in a bit of pain, but alright. If I died a day before my 18th, I would wreak so much havoc as a ghost. I'd be seriously vexed.
Long story short, was being driven to a mates place, my mate lost control of his Mazda 626 and we sorta hit a tree side on at 60-70km/h. The car hit the tree in between the front and rear passenger doors, just a lil closer towards the front -- right where I was sitting. So there's now a 28cm deep (we measured) dent in the side of the car, the frame of the car is no longer straight, the car is a total right off. By "dent" i mean "fuck off massive crease where the cars tried to wrap itself around the tree."
Luckily, the only injuries were a splinter of glass in a friends finger, and a scratch on my finger. My ribs are hurting a fair bit too, but I'm a big manly man so won't whinge.
We are incredibly lucky no one was seriously hurt. Thanks God, owe ya one
Drop 50, Save lives.
Hmm, I was kind of vague in my descriptions of what actually went on, so heres a brief, but more accurate account of what happened:
December 12 Do this or you will have to live with yourself.Ok Kids, this is taken directly from Rob's alter-space, Spooning Land Thursday. Everyone know's I'm against bandwagon jumping, but this is a bandwagon that should be jumped. Seriously, if you have any shred of decency, take the 5 seconds it will take to email either the governor or the attorney general and do it. If you can send a crappy chainletter email, you can send this. You know its worth it. Even if you're not from America, do it. International disaproval may hold more weight, so do it.
Dear Sir
I respectfully request that you and your state take steps to ensure the protection of children associated with the Westboro Church in Topeka, Kansas. This organization fosters hate and endangers the physical, emotional, and mental well being of the children in its care. These children should be placed in protective custody until the political activity of Westboro Church ceases. I also respectfully request that your Governor's administration or your legislature ensure that no child is returned to a Westboro Church member until the Church's vitriolic advocation of hatred stops. No child is safe in the environment created by the Church's tactics and message.
Thank you for your attention to this concern.
YOUR NAME (<---- Replace this with your name)
YOUR CITY AND PROVINCE/STATE/COUNTRY
general@ksag.org <--------Attorney General's E-mail
http://www.ksgovernor.org/comment.html<-------Where to contact the Governor (Female)
Seriously people, think of the children. To learn more of the depravity of the WBC/Fred Phelps poke the links. December 10 I'm not like themBut I can pretend
The song currently playing is "Dumb", by Nirvana from the album "In Utero" which is, in my opinion, Nirvana's best album. "Dumb" is my favourite song.
It is awesome for many reasons:(whereas you're not awesome for any reasons)
If you do not like this song, you are nothing to me.
That is all.
This is not a secret message
P.S. I'm 18 on the 15th of December (Thursday). I expect both well wishes and presents. Preferably presents.
P.P.S. THAT is all. I think I'm just happy. HA! I wish.... December 08 And then Smishy was all like "ZOMG! ITS MY BIRTHDAY!@#!11"Ok children, for those who are unaware, Today (Thursday the 8th of December) is Smishy's 18th birthday. Yay for Smish! For those who don't know Smishy (aka Gawd or sometimes Alicia), it must be said that she is one of the coolest cats around. Worship her already. Seriously though, go to her space and wish her a happy freaking birthday. Or I'll eat your soul or something...
Above: Smish, in all her feline glory!
I'm a photoshop MASTER... by which ofcourse I mean I did that on paint in about 4 seconds.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SMISHY!
Seriously though, wish her a happy birthday or I'll devour your delicious (yet filthy) souls
December 07 And so then the Stairs were all like "We're stairs, we can't talk, idiot"So anyway, I just realised that I almost always run up the stairs. I never really took notice of it until 1 minute ago, but I find it easier to sprint up the stairs then it is to slowly and painfully drag my ass up them, by which I mean walk. I started to think about why this might be, but then I got bored and decided to write this instead. Is this my most pointless blog entry ever?
Yes. Yes it is. There is also no secret message in this blog.
Really. December 06 R.I.P Kevin McQuay
For those who have not heard, Kevin McQuay (above right), better known as "Big Kev" tragically passed away at 8:30pm on monday (Australian Eastern Standard Time). Above are 2 Aussie
Famous for his impeccable fashion sense and jovial catch-cry of "I'M EXCITED!" The larger than life businessman died of a heart attack as a result of a staph infection. Gee, the tubby bastard died of a heart attack, never saw that one coming *dies of sarcasm overdose*
Note: The above photo is NOT Big Kev, it is the ass of one of the wenches in his harem. This came as a shock to the Australian nation as the (lets face it) obese old man was getting his life in order, eating healthily and living properly, losing weight and appeared to be getting back on the healthy bandwagon.
Keep reaching for that rainbow, Kev And then suddenly, like a freight train to an emo kids torso, a staph infection hits. For those who didnt pick up on it, this is a reference to Emo-Chris jumping on the train tracks...haha, get ti!?!?!?!
The result: heart attack which led to the death of this Aussie icon.
He will be missed by fans of informercials and housewives everywhere. But not by me, to tell the truth he annoyed the shit out me.
R.I.P Big Guy
In other news, Greenpeace is rallying against the destruction of an old growth forrest to be used to build Big Kev's coffin...
December 02 Chard's Guide to Etiquette, Lesson One"When attending dinner, refrain from discussing your recent prostate exam..."
"You call yourself a musician?" Tonight, while I was trying to enjoy my delicious sirloin steak, while my blithering idiot of an uncle, Kim, felt the need to share with my dad and I everything he's been up to recently. As you might have guessed, one of his main topics was his health. He kept assuring us that he wouldn't be dead for a long time (much to my disappointment) as he had recently had a complete medical assessment, which - you guessed it - included a prostate examination.
"No! I call myself an 'interpreter of sound'"
Now I have nothing against prostate exams, don't get me wrong, they're vital in detecting prostate cancer and whatnot, but when I'm eating my delicious hunk of cow flesh the last thing I want to think about is a finger entering my Uncle Kim's anus.
Is that really too much to ask? Apparently, it is.
Virtual pinch and a punch for the first day of the month, bitches November 29 Got Awse? Smishy does!!smishy rocks my world! Shes so hot .. sometimes i take a frozen pack of like, peas or something past her and then they're cooked by the time i've passed her. Thats how hot she is. Seriously. I'm not exagerating. And not l like physically hot like a stove or something, I know i made it sound that way. But no, physically shes so hot she makes the thing from jeepers creepers look like .. nikki hilton or summen. I dunno.
Anyway. Moral of this story is. Richard wont stop biting my shoulder. And I rock. And your mum hates you, she told me so. But asked me not to tell you, but I'm crap at keeping secrets.
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